


Pretty Little Downfall

by Candace_cn



Category: Amazingphil - Fandom, Danisnotonfire - Fandom, Phan, youtube - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-20
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-08-23 16:13:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8334070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Candace_cn/pseuds/Candace_cn
Summary: Phil had always had a weakness for pretty little things: kittens, puppies, koalas, and, most recently, his younger brother’s best friend Dan.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Lolita type themes. Underage Dan/College age Phil.

Part One:  
  
Phil had always had a weakness for pretty little things: kittens, puppies, koalas, and, most recently, his younger brother’s best friend Dan. Since the time they were kids, Dan had always kind of been around, hanging out with his brother, getting into trouble, and watching Phil, always watching him like he was the coolest thing he’d ever seen. And it used to be kind of cute, Dan trying so hard to impress Phil with his knowledge of a band he’d seen on one of Phil’s posters. And that one time he’d learned how to play the guitar in like a week and a half just so he could ask Phil if he could join him while he jammed with his friends.

And it used to be kind of cute, seeing Dan’s little crush on him, the way he smiled shyly at any praise Phil had offered him, the way he’d kind of huff around the living room when Phil brought a girl home. But that all changed the summer between his junior and senior year of university. His little brother, Martin, now eighteen and newly driving, had picked him up from the airport, stalling the car twice on the way home. Phil sort of laughed and helped him through it, showing him how to ease off the clutch, and Phil realized he’d missed home, he really had. 

Pulling into the driveway, the car sputtered to a halt, and Phil lugged his suitcase into the house. As he moved to turn the key into the front door lock, it opened and a body lunged at him, wrapping him in a tight hug. Phil let out an “oomph” and stumbled backward with a laugh, grabbing onto the boy’s waist for support. He was slightly damp, probably from swimming in their backyard pool, and his bare chest pressed firmly against Phil who skidded a hand almost unconsciously across the muscles of the boy’s back.

“Dan, you’re squishing me,” he made a mock choking sound, and the boy let go slowly, stepping back, a sudden shy expression on his face. Phil noticed the way his face had lost the “little kiddness” of it, replaced by a defined jaw and full inviting lips. But his eyes, his eyes were the same as ever, big and brown and vulnerable, yet Phil couldn’t stop himself from scanning the rest boy’s frame. And holy fuck, when had this happened, he wondered, noting the smooth and toned planes of his thin chest, the way the V of his hips slid down into the waistband of his swimming trunks, the way that little strip of hair on his lower belly led down into—

“I missed you, Phil,” Dan was saying, the same hyper, borderline ADD, tone in his voice as always, and Phil forced himself to smile back at him like he hadn’t just been ogling his little brother’s friend. “I’ve had to hang out with Martin all year, and he’s just so boring.” Martin gave a snort of indignation from behind Phil as he led them into the house. Dan took Phil’s suitcase from him, hoisting it over his slim shoulders. “And he won’t talk about music with me. Well, not _good_ music, like you play. All he wants to do is light up and find someone who’ll buy him beer and I told him—“

Dan rambled on as Phil gave Martin a pointed look that clearly said, “If you got him high or drunk, I swear to God,” but Martin just smiled back at him, lifting an eyebrow casually.

“—and my dad was right, I’d knew I’d never be any good at it, so I just gave up playing entirely.”

“Wait, what?” Phil put a hand on Dan’s arm. The boy turned toward him, eyes low and downcast. “You gave up music?” Phil asked him.

Dan shrugged. “I wasn’t any good.”

“You were fucking fantastic, kid,” he said, loving too much the way Dan’s face lit up like Christmas.

“You’re just saying that,” Dan mumbled but he was smiling as Phil ruffled his hair and walked past him to his room upstairs.

“I mean it,” he called behind him as Dan followed him up the stairs. “You have a real gift, kid. If my band was still running, I’d hire you in a minute.”

Dan beamed. Phil opened the door to his bedroom to find that little had changed since he’d left. Of that, he was glad. The same posters still clung to his wall, the same junk still decorated his dresser, and his old guitar, the one he didn’t take to college for fear someone would steal it from his dorm room, sat in the corner, a little dusty, but untouched. Dan followed him into the room, and plopped the suitcase down on his bed and him along with it. He leaned back on his elbows, the skin of his flat stomach tightening each time he took in a breath. Phil swallowed and tried not to stare.

“Here, play something,” Phil said, blowing the dust off his guitar, and handing it to Dan who leaned forward to take it.

“No, I can’t,” he said shyly.

“Come on,” Phil said. “It’ll be fine.” He unzipped his suitcase and began putting his clothes into his dresser.

Dan cradled the guitar to himself and ran his fingers across the strings like a caress, before finding a chord and strumming slowly.

“At-a-boy,” Phil said, encouraging him to continue. Dan frowned in concentration, as he found a rhythm and began playing “Yesterday,” one of Phil’s favorite songs, as he was sure Dan knew. Fuck, the kid was a natural, as Phil watched his long fingers dance across the stings effortlessly, getting lost in the music. Phil had forgotten how fast he picked up on things. He couldn’t recall Dan ever being bad at anything. As Dan bit his lower lip in concentration, Phil wondered what else he was good at, what else he could pick up easily. Fuck, when had he become such a perv? Dan was probably like eighteen, for Christ’s sake--and his little brother’s best friend.

Dan finished the song and looked down at his feet which swung back and forth on the edge of the bed.  “I suck, I know,” he said, moving to put the guitar back against the wall.

Phil put a hand on his arm to stop him. Dan visibly tensed at the contact, looking up at Phil with wide, brown eyes. Phil swallowed. “You’re really good, Danny,” he said softly. “Whoever told you different was wrong, ok?”

Dan nodded, lowering his eyes. “It’s just my dad said that it was a waste of time.”

Of course it was the kid’s dad. Phil knew that Dan’s home life was not the best. That’s why he spent so much time with Martin and Phil and their family. His dad was a strict Catholic, who kept close watch over Dan and disapproved of anything that could lead him down “the path of sin.” Phil knew from the few times he met him that he wasn’t a bad man by any means, just a bit overzealous at times.

“I mean, I don’t think it’s a waste of time if you’re as good at it as you are,” Dan said, looking up at him with eyes that betrayed an innocence and vulnerability that nearly shattered Phil.

“You’re just as good as me, Danny. In fact, you’re better,” Phil said, but his voice came out strained.

“Do you think so?” Dan took a tentative step closer to Phil, and fuck, it was no longer just an innocent kid looking for encouragement. It was Dan’s eyes darting down to Phil’s lips. It was Dan’s tongue licking his lips. It was Dan playing a game of who would back down first.

And fuck, Phil was never good at games.

“Yeah, I do,” Phil said, clearing his throat and letting go of Dan’s arm, moving to retrieve more clothes from his suitcase.

He thought he heard Dan mumbling an apology, but he was too busy trying to get himself under control. Jesus, the kid was only seventeen, he told himself, but he couldn’t get the image out of his head of Dan looking up at him with wide, expectant eyes, how he’d look if Phil had pushed his head down just a little lower.

Phil shook his head to clear it. He really needed to get out of this room. He could unpack later.

“Have you had lunch, kiddo?” he said, hoping that by calling Dan a kid he might start to believe it.

Dan shook his head. “I was too nervous to eat,” he said, a wistful earnestness covering his features.         

“Why were you nervous?” Phil said, trying to laugh.

Dan shifted from foot to foot, chest still bare and exposed. Phil threw him one of his old t-shirts, mostly to keep his own sanity than for Dan’s benefit. And it was sort of adorable the way Dan casually sniffed the fabric before he pulled it over his head.

He adjusted the shirt which practically drowned his small frame. He looked even younger now. “No, I’m just stupid,” he said, rubbing the fabric of the shirt between his fingertips. “I was just worried you’d go off to college and forget all about me, the dumb kid who bugged you all the time.”

Phil stopped folding his clothes, turning to Dan. “Hey, I could never forget about you,” he said softly and he meant it. “You’ve always been like a brother to me.” He said the words, instantly regretting them when Dan’s face fell slightly.

“Yeah, you too, Phil,” he said quietly, hurt, but maybe it was for the best. If Dan lost his little crush on Phil, maybe it’d be easier for him to stop perving on the kid.

Phil ruffled his hair as he walked passed him and out the door. “Come on, let’s get you fed before my mom gets home and finds out we let you starve.”

Dan laughed and followed Phil down the stairs. His brother Martin was already in the kitchen, making himself a sandwich.

“Hey, woman, make me a sandwich,” Phil shouted to him as he plopped on the couch.

“How ‘bout no,” he shouted back.

“I’ll tell Mom why her Victoria’s Secret catalogues were always sticky,” Phil called back and there was silence for a moment before he heard a quiet, “Fine” coming from the kitchen. Phil smiled, closing his eyes and leaning back into the cushion. He felt a weight settle down next to him, felt eyes on him.

“There’s a party tonight,” Dan said, “at PJ’s apartment, you remember him?”

Phil snorted. Yeah, everyone remembered PJ, the guy who nearly set the school on fire, who gave teachers nightmares, who ensured his senior class prank made the local newspaper. Yeah. He remembered PJ.

“I was wondering if you were going,” Dan asked.

Phil opened one eye to peer at him. “Are you going?”

Dan nodded. Fuck. There was no way he was going to let Dan go by himself to one of PJ’s parties. He’d get eaten alive, poor kid.

“Yeah, I’ll go,” Phil said, and Dan beamed.

After lunch, Dan said he had to go home and change. He offered to give Phil his shirt back, but Phil waved him off. “You keep it,” he said.

Dan nodded, asking Martin if he were ready to go. “Get Phil to take you home,” he said from the couch.  “I’m _sure_ he wouldn’t mind.” He gave Phil a pointed look.

“Yeah, sure, it’s fine,” Phil said, not caring to pretend that he didn’t want to take Dan home.    

 Phil was mostly silent on the ride home, but Dan chattered about nothing and his knee was never still, bouncing up and down nervously, making the car shake at the stop light. Phil put a hand on his knee to steady it. Dan didn’t just stop shaking his knee; he stopped everything, stopped talking, stopped breathing.

“S-sorry,” Dan mumbled. Phil watched the way the boy swallowed as Phil removed his hand, slowly dragging it up his leg before returning it to the steering wheel. Jesus, if one hand on his knee could still him like that, so totally, what would he do if Phil kissed him, or if he—

“Phil, Phil,” Dan was saying, “that’s my house back there. You passed it.”

“Oh, sorry,” Phil said, turning the car around quickly. What was this kid doing to him? He pulled up in front of Dan’s house.

“Can you give me a ride tonight, too?” Dan asked, hand on the doorhandle.

Phil nodded. “Yeah, of course. Be here at 10?”

“Can you--?”

“Yeah, I’ll drive around back so you can sneak out,” Phil told him, and Dan smiled.

“Thank you,” he said, “for everything.”

Phil nodded, not knowing what to say, and Dan got out, awkwardly waving from the porch steps as Phil drove away. When he got home, he quickly unpacked, and smiled when he heard his parents came home. It really was good to be home.

Getting ready to go out had never been a problem for Phil, throw on jeans, a sweatshirt and sneakers and voila! He was clothed. But tonight, he felt nervous, like he was going on a first date, which was ridiculous. He wore a blue collared button-up and dark jeans, actually taking the time to shower and style his hair.

“Hey, I know you’re planning on screwing my underage friend tonight, Romeo, but are you about ready or what?” Martin said from the door of their shared bathroom.

“Fuck you,” Phil said, stepping out of the bathroom, flipping his brother off. They drove to Dan’s house, music blaring through their speakers up until they got close to Dan’s house. They knew the drill. They turned off the headlights and drove up to the side of the house quietly. Dan jumped out the window of his second story bedroom onto the shed below, before sliding off it on the ground. He jogged over to their car, smiling, and climbing in the back seat.

Phil swallowed. He looked good. Really good, and nothing like the Dan he’d known for almost his whole life. He was wearing a tight v-neck black shirt and tight jeans that showed off his body like it was sculpted for him. He looked at Phil in the rearview mirror, smiling wide. Phil smiled back because despite everything, it was still the same Dan that he’d loved for years.

The party was already in full swing when they arrived, music blaring through the speakers, and apartment packed with bodies. How his neighbors didn’t call the cops was something of a miracle, Phil thought. Maybe he paid them off. PJ had his ways. Once he’d spotted his older classmate, he walked over, smiling, Dan at his heels.

“PJ, dude,” he said, pulling the shorter man in for a hug, “how are you?”

“Yeah, doing fine, you know,” he said. He spotted Dan behind Phil. “And what do we have here? You’ve certainly grown up.” He raked his eyes over Dan who moved in front of PJ to greet the host, and as much as Phil loved PJ, the thought of him checking Dan out, of making him his nightly conquest made his blood boil.

Phil put his hands on Dan’s hips and pulled him flush to him, snaking an arm around his waist and putting his chin on Dan’s shoulder. He could feel the younger boy’s heart thudding in his chest, and he felt the way he melted so perfectly into Phil. PJ smiled knowingly, and put up his hands in mock surrender.

“You two have fun, ok?” he said, patting Phil on the arm and getting lost in a swarm of people.

Phil kept his arm around Dan for a few moments longer than he probably should have. When he finally let him go, Dan turned around slowly, looking up at Phil with wide eyes, lips parted, face searching Phil’s. It’d be so easy to just push him up against this wall, making sure everyone knew who he belonged to.

Dan took a bold step toward Phil, his body nearly flush against his. Phil could feel the start of a hard-on in the boy’s pants, and fuck, he’d forgotten what it was like to be 18 and to get a boner every time a strong breeze blew by you.

“Dan,” he said, a desperate warning in his voice.

“Phil! Oh my god!” a girl’s voice came from the crowd. It was an old classmate of his, a cute brunette who’d turned Phil down once for Prom.

“Hey,” he said, unenthusiastically. She gave him a hug, drink in hand, keeping one arm slung around Phil’s neck.

“Oh, hey, Dan,” she said dismissively, waving her beer at him.

“I’m going to go find Martin,” Dan said, disappearing into the crowd.

“Dan, wait,” Phil said, but it was too late. The boy was nowhere to be seen. Fuck, he really needed a beer. 

He shrugged his shoulders, and told the girl (what was her name?) that he’d see her around maybe. He went to find Dan, but it was another half hour before he spotted the boy pinned up against the wall in the hallway. Another boy, older than Dan was leaning over him, smiling and running a hand down Dan’s chest lower and lower. Dan was smiling dazedly, clearly drunk or high or something. Phil felt a wave of protectiveness wash over him. 

“Hey, we’re going,” he told the boy, and grabbed onto Dan’s arm.

“Phil!” Dan said excitedly, and yeah, he was definitely high on something, his pupils wide and dilated, his expression dazed. He threw his arms around Phil, hugging him tightly.

“What the fuck did you give him?” Phil asked the other boy harshly.

He put his hands up defensively. “Hey, he was like that when I saw him, but he didn’t tell me he had a boyfriend. Sorry, dude.”

And ok, so maybe Phil had been a little harsh with him. He would have been all over Dan if he were him, too.

“Yeah, well,” he said lamely before turning away. Dan was still holding him tight, rubbing his hips against Phil’s. Phil hissed out a breath, because fuck, he smelled so good, and he was biting his lip, and he looked so damn fuckable right now. He really needed to get him home. “Have you seen Martin?” he asked Dan who pointed to the bathroom door. Phil pulled out his phone and sent a text saying he was going to drop Dan off and be back for him later.

“ride w/ t,” he texted back, and Phil had no idea what that meant, but he assumed he had a ride home, so he pulled Dan off him reluctantly and wormed their way out of the apartment, keeping a tight hold on Dan’s hand.

Once they stepped outside, fresh air washed over them like a balm, and Phil breathed out deeply, not realizing he'd been holding it for a while. Dan started to lift both their intertwined hands and he twirled underneath them like he was waltzing.

“What did you take, Dan?” Phil said firmly, trying to hold the kid still. He twirled around until he got dizzy and tumbled hard into Phil with an “umph.”

“N-nothing. Please don't be mad at me, Phil,” Dan said, looking up at Phil with wide eyes, noting the disapproval in the older boy's glance.

“I'm not mad at you. I just want to know what you took, ok?”

Dan nodded solemnly. “Just a pill. One pill, Phil. I'm fine. I promise,” he said, crossing his heart, and squeezing Phil's hand slightly. It felt good, holding hands with Dan, and he never wanted to let go.  

“Dan, fuck, that could have been anything,” Phil said reprovingly. Dan lowered his head.

“I'm sorry, Phil,” he said quietly, letting go of Phil's hand and starting to walk away.

Great, now he felt like an asshole. “Dan, wait,” he shouted, jogging to catch up with him. “I'm sorry, I'm not mad at you. I'm just worried about you.”

Dan stopped and turned toward him, head down, shoe scuffing on the pavement. “Because I'm like your brother, right?”

Phil glanced down the boy, his frame small but tight, his face looking impossibly young in the moonlight. “Yeah,” he said, swallowing, “like a brother.”

“I want to go home,” Dan said, nearly pouting. Phil rolled his eyes but led him by the arm to his car parked around the block.   

Once they were inside, Phil reached across Dan to buckle him in. As his hand brushed against Dan’s hip as he fastened the belt, Dan let out a little whimper that Phil tried his best to ignore, starting the car and putting his hands firmly on the steering wheel, staring straight ahead at the streets in front of him.

He heard a zipper being unzipped next to him, nearly veering off the road as he saw Dan begin to pull his pants down. “Dan, what the fuck?” he asked him, trying to regain his composure.

“It hurts, Phil,” he said, slurring his words and gesturing to the obvious boner underneath his thin boxers. “My pants were so tight because I know you like the way I look in them, but now it hurts and I need to set it free.” He giggled and looked at Phil with clouded eyes. “I want to touch it so it doesn’t hurt anymore, but I want you to touch it more.”

“Dan, _fuck._ Don’t--” it barely came out as a whisper.

“I think about you touching me all the time,” Dan said, a pathetic earnestness covering his features. “About how it would feel with your hand around me, and sometimes I use my finger to try and see how it’d feel with you inside me—”

“Jesus, fuck,” Phil said, trying to keep his eyes on the road, his sweaty hands on the steering wheel.

Dan continued, his hand sliding down his chest to the waistband of his boxers, teasing at the perfect v of his hips before before putting a hand down further, and moaning low in his throat as he grasped his cock. “And I think about all the other girls and boys you’ve been with and how you’ve never looked at me the way you look at them because I’m like your brother, but I still think about you anyway. I can’t help it because I love you.”

And fuck, the kid meant it, Phil knew.

His hands were clumsy as he stroked himself, and Phil forced himself not to think how much better he could make the kid feel with just a flick of his thumb, a stroke of his wrist. He’d had plenty of practice with his hand over the years, and it was pretty clear Dan had little experience, and fuck, why was that such a turn-on?

He pulled up in front of Dan’s house quietly. Looking at the clock, he saw that it was barely midnight, so there was still the chance his parents could wake up to find him. And there was no doubt in his mind that Mr. McLoughlin would skin him alive and tar and feather him and tear him from limb to limb just for good measure if he saw him out in the car with his beloved son, pants around his ankles, hand down his underwear.

Dan had his head tilted back and his eyes were closed, lips wet and parted as he stroked himself. “Dan, we’re here, ok?”

Dan looked at him with hooded eyes as he took his hand from out his underwear and climbed out of his seat, and putting one knee on either side of Phil’s hips, he hovered over Phil’s crotch, shaking slightly. “Phil, please. I know you don’t want me but just, please—“

And fuck, Phil didn’t know what he exactly he was asking for but he knew he would have a hard time refusing the boy anything. He always had.

“Dan,” his voice cracked on the word as Dan lowered his hips against Phil’s and started to grind up against him. Phil let out a strangled, “fuck” as he felt his half-hard cock come to full attention within a matter of moments. And he knew it wasn’t just the friction that was causing him to come undone, it was the kid’s face, all innocence and sincerity, never breaking eye contact with Phil, as he bit his full lip and let out a needy moan. Phil snaked a hand into his sweaty hair, and Dan leaned into the caress.

“Can you touch me, please? Down there,” Dan said, voice on the edge of begging. “I promise I’ll be good, and I won’t ever think about you again when I come in my bedroom, ok?”

Phil bit back his own moan as he pictured a naked Dan stretched out on his bed, coming over his hand as he moaned Phil’s name into his pillow. “Fuck, kid, I—” Dan reached for Phil’s hand and guided it to the front of his crotch, and he started to rub him through the fabric, loving the way Dan’s eyes screwed shut and his back arched as he ran a thumb over the sensitive tip. Suddenly the car horn blared, and Phil wrenched his hand away, realizing what he was doing—with a seventeen-year-old. A drugged seventeen-year-old. God, he was disgusting. He lifted Dan off him and onto the passenger seat.

He struggled to catch his breath. “Put your pants on, and go inside, ok Dan?”

Dan looked at him with eyes wide, pupils still dilated, reminding Phil that he was still under the influence of drugs. The kid would never have agreed to this had he been in his right mind, which made Phil a fucking asshole at best and a date-rapist at worst.

“I’m sorry, Phil,” he said and fuck, he sounded so young. He pulled on his pants, pressing his still-hard cock into the confines of the zipper. “I won’t do that again, I’m sorry,” he said again, and Phil’s heart nearly broke.

The boy moved to open the car door, but before he did, he leaned over toward Phil and pressed his lips against his awkwardly, clearly not sure what to do from here, and Phil was fairly certain this was the boy’s first kiss. He shifted his lips slightly so they melded between Dan’s, kissing him slowly, very slowly until Dan started to kiss back with reckless abandon, lifting a hand to run through Phil’s hair. Phil pulled back quickly. He couldn’t let this happen. Not while Dan was like this.

“Goodnight, Daniel,” he said, with more resoluteness than he felt.

He saw the hurt flash into Dan’s eyes, but the boy pulled on the door handle and shut it behind him, not looking back as he climbed the shed to pull himself back into his bedroom.

Phil let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, putting a hand to his lips, still feeling them tingle in a way he’d never felt before, and he wondered how something so wrong, so _illegal_ , could feel so perfect.

Phil always knew pretty, little things would be his downfall.   


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan realizes that Phil might just like him back.

PART TWO

Phil wasn’t even hung over, yet his head pounded when he awoke the next morning. He had slept fitfully the whole night, sheets tangled in his legs, comforter pooling at this feet. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and rested his head in his hands heavily as he remembered the events of the previous night. What had he been thinking?

First of all, he probably shouldn’t have even brought Dan to the party. He knew it could get out of hand. And when he took Dan home he should have stopped him from taking off his pants, should have stopped him from touching himself, from climbing on top of Phil, from kissing him.

And it was that fucking kiss that was etched onto Phil’s brain like a scar. The way Dan’s lips had trembled with nervous anticipation, the way he leaned into it like it was all he’d ever wanted from life, the way his hands had kind of clung onto Phil like he was the only thing that kept him from drowning. And Phil had never hated himself more than that moment when he pushed Dan off him and told him to go back inside.

Not even bothering to shower and get dressed, he walked down the stairs in his pajamas and old band t-shirt to greet his mom who was making pancakes in the kitchen. Thank god, at least he had good food even if every other area of his life was going to shit. He kissed her head and sat on the counter beside the stove.

“Phil, ” she said with half-hearted sternness, but Phil just smiled and she rolled her eyes at him.

“Did you have fun at PJ’s house last night?” she asked. For some reason, his mom loved PJ, thought he was just the nicest boy, and Phil should try to be more like PJ. PJ and his fucking powers of persuasion over adults; it was rather extraordinary actually. 

“Oh, um, yeah,” he replied, throat feeling suddenly too thick to swallow the plate of pancakes his mom had given him.

She looked over at him suspiciously but didn’t press the issue.  That’s why he loved his mom, along with the pancakes, of course, which beat cold pizza for breakfast any day. He finished his breakfast before hugging his mom tightly and going back upstairs to shower and get ready.

He could hear his little brother faintly snoring down the hall and wondered when he had finally gotten back last night. Stripping out of his clothes, he stepped into the bathroom, turning on the hot water and looking at himself in the mirror. His face was stubbly after several lazy days of not shaving, but he kind of liked it, it made him look older than his twenty-two years, but that probably wasn’t a good thing when he was perving on a kid five years younger than him already. Anything to make him look like less of an old creep would be beneficial for him. He tugged at the small love handles on his sides, brought on by two years of college laziness and poor eating habits. He thought of Dan’s flat stomach, the way the muscles in his back tensed and relaxed under Phil’s touch, the wiry lankiness of his arms, and he suddenly felt like even more of a pervert next to him.

He looked down to see himself already half-hard as the shower steamed around him. So that’s all it took to get him worked up these days? A couple thoughts about a teenage kid and he was ready to go like some hormonal teenager. He stepped into the hot shower, sighing into the warmth and comfort that it brought. He shampooed his short hair and was lathering his body with soap before he finally reached down to start stroking himself. He lurched his hand away, shaking his head to himself.

No, fuck this. He wouldn’t let himself get off thinking about Dan. He just needed a quick fuck and he’d be fine. Maybe he could call up that girl he went out with in high school; she was always up for something. He wondered if she still worked at the Smoothie Bar. It was worth a try.

He dressed quickly and headed out the door, taking the beat up old car that his brother had been using while he was at school. He drove to the Smoothie Bar, noting all the ways, the small town  _hadn’t_  changed since he left. Everything was the same as it always was, from the run down hardware store to the water tower that was forever leaning more and more to the right. Even though he’d lived here all his life, he didn’t feel like he belonged anymore. Everything back home felt familiar yet distant like a dream from another lifetime.

He pulled up to the Smoothie Bar and went inside, hearing the tinkling of the bell above the door. There were no customers, just a bored looking teenage girl leaning with her back to Phil against the counter, headphones in her ears, flipping through a magazine.

“Hey,” Phil said when she didn’t turn around. “Um. Hello?” She bobbed her head to the music. The back door swung open and someone entered, carrying a bag of oranges in his hands.

“Sorry about that, she’s kind of a spaz—“ he started to say before seeing Phil. “Oh, um, hey.”

“Hey, Dan, I didn’t know you worked here.” Oh, God, this was awkward.

“Yeah, I just started a couple months ago.” He set the oranges down on the counter next to the girl who took out her headphones and turned around to see Phil.

“Oh, God, I’m sorry,” she said. “I hope you weren’t waiting there long.”

Phil shook his head.

“What can I get you?” she asked.

“Oh, um—” Dan was trying his best not to look Phil’s direction, wiping down the already clean counter, organizing their fruit shelf. “I guess, like, the strawberry thing?”

“Strawberry nirvana?” she clarified, a smile on her features. “That’ll be $3.67.” Phil paid her as Dan began making the drink, working on autopilot but not turning around to look at Phil once.

“Here,” Dan said, placing the drink on the counter in front of Phil.

“Dan, I—“ Phil really didn’t know what to say. The girl looked from Dan to Phil before smiling slightly and retreating to the back room. When she had left, Phil turned to Dan whose head was lowered as he continued to wipe the counter. “Listen, Dan—”

He looked up, eyes wide and nearly tearing up. Phil had the nearly uncontrollable urge to wrap him in his arms and never let him go. “I’m sorry about yesterday, Phil. It got out of hand,” he mumbled.

Fuck, he felt like such an asshole. This poor kid was probably so traumatized by what happened that he wouldn’t ever talk to Phil again would probably go to the cops for violating a minor, and Phil deserved that much punishment and more.

“I shouldn’t have forced myself on you like that, and I’m sorry,” Dan was saying. Phil stared at him blankly. Wait, Dan thought  _he_ was the one who had forced himself on  _Phil_. That he was the one who needed to apologize.

“Dan, I—” he couldn’t ever formulate a sentence. “I—you have nothing to apologize for, trust me. What happened was completely my fault. I shouldn’t have taken you to the party, and I shouldn’t have let you leave my side, and I shouldn’t have let you—you know—in the car.”

Dan shrugged his shoulders. “I guess I’m just a stupid kid, I’m sorry.”

Phil reached a hand across the counter to touch Dan’s shoulder. He felt him tense before relaxing into the touch just like he had last night—

“No, you’re not,” Phil insisted. “You’re really not. Don’t beat yourself up about what happened, ok?”

“It won’t happen again, I promise,” Dan said, looking up at Phil. It had almost been a question, an offer and Phil swallowed heavily.

“Of course it won’t, Dan,” he said, and fuck, he wish he’d meant the words.

Dan smiled at him but it was forced and strained. “Tell me if you like it,” he said, pushing the drink closer to Phil who smiled and took a sip. It tasted good, really good. Was there anything this kid  _wasn’t_  good at?

He pulled a face at Dan. “Oh, God, this is the worst.”

Dan smiled wider, genuinely and shoved Phil away playfully. “Shut up,” he laughed.

“No, I mean it, I feel like—” He made a retching sound, and Dan threw an orange peel at him which Phil dodged effectively. He took another long sip.

“What are you up to today?” Dan said, once again cleaning the spotless countertop.

“Not much,” he replied. “I’ll probably go apply at the old grocery store, see if I can get it back for the summer.”

“You should work here!” Dan said a little too enthusiastically. “I mean, if you want to or whatever,” he added, trying for casualness.

Phil didn’t know if he could handle working with Dan every day without giving into his impulses. “Is Louise still working here?” he asked.

“Yeah, she’s the manager now. You want me to get her for you?”

Phil considered for a moment. He could probably handle working with Dan if there was someone else he knew around to keep him in check. “Oh, yeah, could you? I’ll ask her about the job, and yeah,” he trailed off.

Dan nodded and left, probably knowing Phil’s history with her, and thinking he wanted to hook up with her again. Oh well, it was probably best that he thought Phil was still interested in her, and hey, maybe hooking up with her would help him get over this sick infatuation he had with the kid.

They appeared moments later, her with a big grin on her face, a rounded belly protruding in front of her. Well, fuck. There goes that idea.

“Phil, oh my God! It’s been forever!” She wrapped him in a hug, her pregnant belly sticking out between them. “It’s so good to see you!” She sounded genuine and happy, and Phil wondered whether this would have been his life if he’d stayed in town, stayed with her.

“Yeah, wow! Congratulations, I mean, wow,” Phil said, running a hand through his hair.

“I’m due at the end of summer,” she said happily.

Phil felt way out of his element. “Yeah, that’s really cool,” he said because he couldn’t think of anything else. They made more small talk about the good ol’ days of high school while Dan tried to look busy behind them. He mentioned his need for a job and said she’d talk to the owner about it. Phil moved to leave, giving her another quick hug, and waving at Dan who smiled back at him. “Bye, Phil! See you tonight,” Dan called right as Phil opened the door to leave.

Fuck. Of course Dan was coming over that night. He used to come over almost every night back when Phil was still in high school and Dan was in junior high. He thought about little twelve and thirteen year old Dan, skinny, tall, awkward, but he was always the sweetest kid. Every teacher loved him, even though he used to get bullied something fierce because of his family and because of the way he acted, always happy and eager to please, and because of that one time when he popped a boner while showering around the other boys. So they called him “fag,” and “cock sucker,” not the most creative slurs but this was middle school after all, and occasionally they would try to rough him up after school.

More than once when Phil had driven to pick up Dan and Martin from school, he’d seen what was about to go down with Dan and some school bullies and stepped in to intervene, telling Dan to wait in the car while he told the other kids how badly he would fuck them up if they ever touched him again. They stayed away from him mostly after that, but Dan still didn’t have many friends. It was always just him and Martin, and he was pretty sure Dan tried to be away from home as much as possible. They weren’t bad people, just not very understanding, and Phil was pretty sure they were hoping that one day he would calm down from his over-hyperactivity and marry a nice Catholic girl. As far as Phil knew, he’d never shown any interest in a girl, Catholic or not, and he didn’t think it was something Dan was likely to grow out of. The scariest thing was, Phil was pretty sure Dan’s parents would kick him out of the house if he ever came out to them. The thought made Phil unduly angry.

He thought about leaving for the night so he could avoid Dan, but the problem was he didn’t  _want_  to avoid Dan. He  _wanted_  to be around him all the time, he  _wanted_  to protect him from the rest of the world, and he  _wanted_ to be Dan’s first fuck just like he was his first kiss, and yeah. Phil should probably make himself scarce for the night until Dan left.

He called up one of his old high school friends, one of the ones who’s never left his parents’ basement, and he said he was up for whatever. Phil called his mom and told her to not expect him for dinner. “Oh, Dan will be so disappointed, honey. You know how much he looks up to you,” she said.

Yeah, what a fan-fucking-tastic role model for him, Phil thought, but said, “I’m sure he’ll be fine, Mom, just let him know I’m out with a friend.”

“Ok, well, have fun, sweetie. Love you,” she said.

“You too, Mom,” he said before hanging up and heading toward his friend’s house.

It was just like old times, smoking out and watching crappy horror movies, but it was just what Phil needed, and when he drove back home at a quarter past ten, he figured he would be safe.

He drove up to his house and saw the living room lights still on. Oh, yeah, it was Saturday movie night for his parents’, and Dan usually stayed even if Martin went upstairs to go online or whatever it was he did in his room that Phil never hoped to find out.

He stepped carefully into the hallway, hoping maybe they wouldn’t hear him come in.

“Phil!” his mom said cheerfully.

Shit.

“Come on in! We’re watching Nightmare Before Christmas, one of your favorites. Dan picked it out.”

Phil walked into the living room seeing his parents on the couch, his brother lying on the floor, scrolling on his phone, head propped up on some pillows, and Dan curled up on the smaller couch, legs tucked underneath him, shirt riding up his hips. He smiled when he saw Phil, so bright and genuine that it hurt.   

“Ok, yeah, sure,” he said. He could do this, he was an adult, not some hormonal teenager, he’d be fine. He sat down next to Dan, scooting as far over on the other side of the small couch as he could. He wondered if maybe Dan had grown out of his cuddling phase, but as the boy stretched his legs across Phil’s lap, he realized it was a false hope.

“Does anyone want some ice cream?” his mom asked, standing up.

“I’ll take some,” he said. He needed something cold right now, preferably a cold shower, but ice cream would have to do.          

“Oh! Can I have a popsicle?” Dan asked excitedly.

“You really think you need any more sugar?” Phil asked him. Dan laughed and kicked Phil’s leg playfully, keeping his foot against the inside of Phil’s thigh, making Phil nearly twitch every time Dan shifted on the couch.

His mom returned with a little bowl of ice cream for Phil and Martin and a rainbow popsicle for Dan which he reached for with grabby hands. His mom laughed at him and ruffled his hair before giving him the dessert. She had always loved Dan, looked out for him, and protected him, and Phil had always appreciated her for that.

He looked over to see Dan unwrapping the popsicle like it was a Christmas gift, setting the wrapper on the coffee table and staring at the popsicle in wonder before sticking out his tongue, slowly licking it from bottom to top.

Fucking fuck. Phil tried to look away but he sort of just turned his head and kept his eyes on the boy as he wrapped his lips around the sweet treat and began to suck at it noisily. If he knew what he was doing, what he looked like, he didn’t let on, keeping his eyes intently focused on the movie. He laughed at one part and looked over at Phil, who jerked his head back toward the TV. Smooth, real smooth, Phil thought.

He felt Dan’s eyes on him for a few seconds before he moved his attention back to the movie, and Phil looked back at Dan as subtly as he could. It was sort of mesmerizing the way his lips curled around the popsicle, making a little pop every time he took it out of his mouth. His full lips were shiny and red, and a drop of juice slipped down his chin. Phil wanted nothing more than to lean toward him and lick it off, but he restrained himself, trying to eat some of his own ice cream, turning his eyes back reluctantly toward the movie, which he really did love.

He heard Dan let out a little “mmm” beside him, and fuck it, he  _had_ to be doing this on purpose. Phil looked over to see Dan giving him a sly look as he ran his tongue along the length of it slowly. “So good,” he practically moaned. “Thanks, Mrs. Lester! This really hits the spot.”

“You’re very welcome, sweetie,” she said, smiling at the boys.

Phil’s pants were growing uncomfortable tight, and thank goodness his mom had shut off the lights in the living room, the only light in the room from the flickering TV. Dan shifted his sock-covered foot so it slid further up Phil’s thigh. Phil held his breath, setting his empty ice cream cup on the coffee table. If Dan moved so much as an inch he would—

“Oh, fuck,” he said out loud as he felt Dan’s foot brush up against his cock.

“Phil!” his mother said, appalled.

“No, I, uh—s-sorry, I--,” Phil was stammering, he knew, but Dan’s foot wasn’t moving away and he couldn’t think straight. “Sorry, Mom, I just remembered something I forgot to do today, but it’s ok, I’ll just do it—” Dan’s foot shifted experimentally over the head of his cock, and Phil swallowed back a moan. “—t-tomorrow, I can do it tomorrow.”

“Ok, but you shouldn’t use that language in front of Dan,” she said quietly with half sternness. His father was sound asleep next to her on the couch or else Phil was sure he’d add a, “Listen to your mother” for good measure.

“Yeah, Phil,” Dan said smugly, gaining confidence as he felt Phil get hard underneath him, “you’d better be careful or you might corrupt me.”

Fuck, he knew exactly what he was doing to him, that fucker.

Dan’s eyes were back on the movie, but he continued to move his foot over Phil’s jeans, finding the length of his cock and running his foot across the length of it. Phil bit his lip, letting his head fall backward against the back of the couch. A clothed footjob with a minor might not be technically illegal, but doing it in a room with his parents and brother not four feet away felt wrong. As much as he didn’t want to, he grabbed Dan’s leg firmly. Dan’s head jerked toward him, a questioning expression on his face.

“Stop,” Phil mouthed to him. He watched Dan’s face flush with embarrassment as he moved his feet from Phil’s lap to the floor in front of him. As Dan looked down, eyes watering slightly, Phil saw in the outline of his pants that the boy was almost as hard as Phil, and he swallowed heavily, not knowing whether the urge to fuck him was as strong as his urge to wrap his arms around him and tell him it was fine, he wasn’t mad.

He was  _such_  an asshole. Dan moved to stand, hurrying toward the bathroom.

“Is he ok?” his mom asked with concern in her voice.

“Yeah, too much sugar. I think he’s gonna hurl. I’ll go check on him,” Phil said, not really caring if his story made any sense. He walked over his brother lying on the floor playing a game on his iPhone, completely unaware of anything going on around him.

“Ok, sweetie,” he heard his mom say, “let me know if he needs anything.”

“Ok, I will,” Phil replied, hurrying to catch up with Dan who seemed to be heading outside the kitchen back door.

“Dan,” he said, following him outside. “Hey, listen.” He grabbed his arm and swung him around to face him. Dan wrenched his arm away, tears forming in his eyes.

“No, you listen,” he said in an angry tone that surprised Phil. “I know what you think, Phil, that I’m just some silly, little boy with a crush, but--”

“I don’t think that—”

“Yes, Phil,” he said, “you do, but I’ve also seen the way you look at me, and I’m not that stupid that I can’t see that you want me, or at least you do sometimes. And I know you like boys, or at least you used to, and I just—I just want to know why—why you won’t treat me like you do the other boys. Why I’m not good enough for you.”

“Oh, Danny,” Phil said sadly, reaching for him and pulling him into a hug. Dan struggled for only a moment before melting into it, snaking his hand up behind Phil’s neck. Phil tried not to think about how perfectly he fit against Phil’s body. “It’s not that, Dan, it’s just that—you’re so  _young_.”

Dan stilled and pulled away. “Bullshit, Phil,” he said, clapping a hand over his mouth. Phil had never heard him swear before. “I mean, it’s not that big a deal, I’ll be eighteen in a couple months and—“

“You’re not even eighteen yet?” Fuck, Phil always forgot he was even younger than his brother, which made it so much worse.

“And If you’re going to turn me down, can you please give me a better reason than that? So that I know that you’ll never love me back. Please just tell me a reason why even if I were old enough, I’d still never be enough for you.” Dan stood in front of him with wide, vulnerable eyes, wringing his hands, looking as young as Phil had ever seen him.

“I don’t--” Phil began, trying to find the right words. “I don’t have another reason for you, Dan.”

Dan smiled slightly and stepped forward, close enough to Phil that he could feel his breath warm against his chest. “Then would you kiss me? Just once,” he said, looking up at Phil. “A real kiss this time that I didn’t force on you.”

“Dan, I don’t think—” Phil began, but Dan had moved closer, his lips just a couple inches from Phil’s.

“Please, Phil,” he begged, and Phil could never refuse Dan’s begging.

Phil nodded, and Dan swallowed, trying not to smile as Phil leaned in closer, touching the boy’s lips with his own, feeling the softness of them, even better than he’d remembered. Phil moved so he could capture Dan’s lower lip between his, sucking gently. Dan let out a little moan, hands reaching up to snake through Phil’s hair as he deepened the kiss. Phil saw stars as Dan tentatively ran his tongue across Phil’s lips. Phil opened his mouth, feeling Dan experimentally slide his tongue inside his mouth. There really was nothing this kid wasn’t good at, Phil realized. He moved his hands to rest on Dan’s narrow hips, pulling him forward until he was pressed flush against Phil, and fuck, Phil could feel that he was already hard. He backed him up against the wall of the house, biting back a moan as Dan bucked his hips up against him, seeking friction. Phil put a hand on his chest to calm him, and lowered it down his waist to that perfect v-point of his hips, lower and lower until he felt Dan moan into his mouth, breaths coming short and fast.   

“Dan? Are you all right? Where’d you go?” Phil heard his mother calling from inside the house and he pushed Dan away quickly wiping his lips and smoothing his hair with a shaky hand. He looked over at Dan, lips swollen and parted, eyes hooded and dark, shirt riding up his hips, hard cock clearly outlined through the fabric of his pants. Phil had never wanted anyone so fucking badly, and there was  _no_  way his mom wouldn’t notice something was up.

“Pretend like you’re throwing up in the trash,” Phil said quickly, hearing his mom’s voice getting closer.

“What?” Dan asked, a dazed look on his face.

“Just do it,” Phil said, and Dan moved toward the big trash can, leaning over it and faking a dry heave as his mom came into the kitchen. “We’re out here, Mom,” Phil called back to her.

She opened the screen door to look at them. Phil was rubbing Dan’s back as he pretended to hurl into the trash.

“Oh, you poor dear,” she said.

“Yeah, he thought fresh air might help, but I think he’s really sick, Mom,” Phil said, and he patted Dan’s back as the boy coughed back a laugh.

“Well, let me call your parents, dear,” she said. “You’re in no condition to go anywhere except to bed right now. Come on inside, ok?”   

“Thanks, Mrs. L,” Dan said, his voice scratchy and weak. As soon as she was gone, Dan stood up and smiled at Phil who kissed him chastely on the lips.

“Ok, that was your one kiss, alright?” Phil said.

“Sure, it was,” Dan said, cupping Phil’s crotch, before walking back into the house, slumping his shoulders and moaning in mock despair.

Fuck, this kid would be the death of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is such sin and there's so much more sin to come. Let me know if you're enjoying and want me to continue!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It was only after Dan’s breathing had slowed and Phil knew that he was asleep that he allowed himself to think about how truly and totally and irrevocably he had just fucked up both their lives."

PART 3

Phil’s mom insisted Martin give up his room for Dan since he was sick. Martin whined even as he pulled blankets and pillows from the linen closet. He knew there was no arguing with his mom.

“Why can’t Phil give up his room?” he whined, making up a makeshift bed on the downstairs couch. “It isn’t fair.”

“Because Dan is your friend and you are a nice younger brother, aren’t you?” his mom said. Phil gave his little brother a smug grin when his mom had her back turned. “Phil, don’t antagonize your brother,” she said. How did she know? She always knew everything.

When his mom went upstairs to check on Dan, it occurred to Phil that it would just be he and Dan alone up there since his parent’s bedroom and the living room where Martin would sleep were downstairs. But it’d be fine. Phil could keep himself under control for one night, right? He thought about the way Dan had looked after Phil had kissed him, lips swollen and parted, eyes hooded with lust, skin glistening with a thin sheen of sweat, chest still breathing heavily, cock still hard and begging for attention.

Fuck, Phil was so screwed.

Dan was in the shower when he went upstairs, and he breathed a sigh of relief as he stepped past the shared bathroom into his room. At least if he didn’t have to see Dan before he went to sleep he could probably keep his urges under control.

Probably.

But he couldn’t stop himself from imagining Dan in the shower right next to his room, slim body naked and exposed under the hot water, running a hand down his hairless chest, down to his dick, already half hard, until he finally let himself wrap a hand around it, stroking slowly, fisting a hand to his lips to muffle the moans that itched to escape. When he came, he imagined it’d be Phil’s name he’d moan, it’d be the thought of Phil fucking him against the bathroom tiles that’d send him over the edge. 

Phil looked down to see himself fully hard, cock at attention and ready for some action. Jesus fucking Christ, he couldn’t live like this the whole summer. He pulled his phone from off the nightstand, searching through his contacts until he found the number of the girl who’d been all over him at PJ’s party. God, he was really desperate.

“hey, what r u up 2 tonight?” he texted her in what could have been the least subtle booty call in the history of mankind. He checked the time. It was only a little past 11, so he was pretty sure she was still up, and it was a Saturday, so she was probably still out.

“nothing much… u?” she texted back.

“just thinking about it. It was good 2 c u at the party last night”

“u 2 :-)”

“you up 2 hang out 2night?”

There was a short pause before she texted back a “sure where at?”

They agreed to meet at her apartment; she said her roommate wasn’t home anyway. Phil should have been ecstatic to be getting lucky tonight, but all he wanted was Dan, coming apart underneath him, curling up against Phil afterward, kissing his nose and falling asleep in his arms. Fuck, this—whatever this feeling was—went way beyond a lusting over his little brother’s best friend. Phil could feel himself falling hard for the boy, and he couldn’t let that happen for so many reasons, not the least of which being it was illegal and would hurt so many people apart from Dan. He couldn’t let that happen, but he was also really fucking horny at the moment, and he  _knew_  he would do something he regret if he stayed here, so he pulled on his shoes and pressed at his crotch willing his cock to calm itself down.

She lived close, and he drove fast. Dan would notice he’d left, he was sure of it. Phil hoped he’d understand his need to get out of the house, but he was pretty sure he wouldn’t. Dan would take it as something personal, as a rejection from Phil, which Phil supposed it was in its own way. On the other hand, he didn’t owe Dan anything.

He was just a kid with a crush. He wasn’t Phil’s boyfriend, he wasn’t even Phil’s friend; he was Martin’s. What right did he have to tell Phil he couldn’t have a quick fuck with an old girlfriend? What right did he have to invade Phil’s every thought for the past two days? Fuck him, Phil thought even as he pulled off to the side of the road and ran a shaky hand through his hair. He shouldn’t go through with this. He  _couldn’t_  go through with this. Regardless of whether or not he owed Dan anything, the boy would be hurt if Phil fucked another girl; he’d be crushed, and Phil couldn’t bear that.

He pulled out his phone, and texted her. “car won’t start :( some other time, k?”

God, he was  _such_  an asshole. “k” was all she texted back, clearly pissed as she had every right to be. He turned the car around and headed back to the house. Maybe he’d get lucky and Dan would still be in the shower, but it’d been half an hour so he seriously doubted it.

He stepped into the house as quietly as he could. His brother was already asleep on the couch and Phil stepped carefully up the stairs and into his bedroom. Dan was sitting on Phil’s bed, legs folded underneath him, shirtless and wet from the shower. His eyes were red like he’d been crying, and he rubbed at them as soon as he saw Phil walk in. He got up and snaked his arms around Phil’s neck, rubbing his face against Phil’s chest.

This. This is what Phil wanted but could never put into words. Just this and he’d be content for the rest of his life, feeling Dan rely completely on him for comfort and strength. As much as he hated to admit it to himself, he wanted to be Dan’s everything, his protector and his lover and his friend and his life. If that made him a bad person, he couldn’t quite bring himself to care. He wanted Dan, all of him, forever to himself alone.  

“I thought you’d left for the night. To be with someone else,” Dan said quietly, sniffling.

“I was going to,” Phil said honestly.

Dan stilled for a moment before whispering, “Then why didn’t you?”

Phil pulled himself away from the boy, because as much as he wanted this, he couldn’t let himself have it. Have  _him_. “Changed my mind,” he said simply.

Dan rubbed at his nose and it would have been adorable had there not been an unmistakable darkness in his eyes. “Did you think about me? On the way there?” he asked taking a step closer to Phil. This was getting dangerous.

Phil nodded because he couldn’t quite bring himself to lie to the boy.

“Did you think about the way I tasted?” Dan said the words with such innocence that Phil almost believed that he meant them innocently.

Phil nodded again. Fuck, the things this kid did to him.

“And did you think about the way it felt to let yourself touch me?” He took another step forward. Phil’s back hit the dresser. There was no way he could let this kid get the better of him, so he took Dan by the shoulders, pushing him up against the wall, his bare forearm against Dan’s bare chest as both of them breathed heavily.

“Stop,” Phil said firmly.

“Stop what?” Dan said in a teasing tone, looking up at him with wide, vulnerable eyes. He shifted so his hips pushed up against Phil’s. Phil could feel him through his pajama bottoms, hard and ready for Phil if he would just take him.

This was a really dangerous game the kid was playing, but Phil couldn’t quite stop himself from joining in. “Stop what, Phil?” Dan said, sinking to his knees in front of Phil, eyes tilted up and never breaking contact with Phil’s.

Dan’s hands shook slightly as he reached for the button of Phil’s jeans, undoing it, clumsily pulling down the zipper. “That,” Phil breathed. “Stop that.” But he didn’t move, didn’t know if he  _could_.

“Oh, ok. If you say so,” Dan said, moving his hands away from Phil’s crotch and holding them both behind his back as he kneeled in front of Phil. He tilted his head forward until he nuzzled Phil’s dick through the thin fabric of his boxers, his nose running along the length of him. “Should I stop this, too?” he asked looking up at Phil even as his lips hovered over his cock, teasing it with warm breath and softness.

“Yeah, fuck,” Phil said, quickly losing control of all thought. “You should stop that, too.”

“If you say so,” Dan said, a smirk playing at the corner of his lips and he moved his nose away and replaced it with his lips, running them open-mouthed along the length of Phil’s clothed dick, making the fabric wet and warm. Phil let out a “fuck” as Dan stuck out his little, pink tongue and licked tentatively at the underside of his cock, a teasing motion, an intentional one, Phil was sure. “How about this? Hmm?” he asked, lips pressed against the head of his cock so that the spoken words vibrated through the most sensitive part of him.

“Jesus, you should stop that,” he panted above him, fingers trailing their way into Dan’s hair.

“Well, if you want me to stop you’re going to have to help me since you told me I had to stop using my hands,” Dan said.

Phil nodded and reached down to pull himself out of his boxers. Dan looked at his cock like it was a gift before kissing the tip of it, lips as soft as silk as they kissed their way down one side of Phil’s cock and then down the other adorningly. He pulled back and pressed one more kiss on the very tip, tongue peeking out to lick at the drop of come that had begun to leak out. His lips hovered there for a moment, as he waited to take it in his mouth entirely. “Tell me to stop, Phil,” he said from below him. Phil looked down and nearly moaned just at the sight of him, hands pinned behind his back obediently, pajama bottoms riding low, exposing the arch of his perfect ass and narrow hips, licking his wet lips as they hovered over Phil’s cock waiting for Phil’s permission to stop kissing it so that he could take it completely into his mouth.

“Please, tell me, Phil,” he begged underneath him.       

“Dan, I—” Phil began, wanting to tell him to stop all of this and go to bed, wanting to protect the kid from himself, from his own sick urges, but he thought about how this was probably the first time Dan had ever been with another guy and how powerful and important that made Phil feel, and he knew he couldn’t back out now, not until he’d felt this at least once in his life. Maybe Dan was something he could sweat out of his system, that after he’d had him once, he could move on, forget all about it. Even as the words popped into his head, he knew they were lies to make himself feel less guilty about taking the boy’s innocence.

He looked down to see Dan tented in his pajamas, cock begging for attention. At least Phil knew he was enjoying this, too. “Dan, stop holding your hands behind your back,” he said, making the decision to take full control. He’d deal with the consequences later. Dan nodded, starting to bring them up to Phil’s cock. “Keep them by your side until I tell you that you can touch yourself, ok?” Phil said, and Dan whined low in his throat, mouth still hovering over Phil’s dick, but he nodded. “Good boy,” Phil said.

“Ok, you can stop kissing it,” he said, and Dan sighed in relief as he slowly wrapped his lips around the head of Phil’s cock, stretching them tight and warm around the width of him, and it felt so much better than anything Phil had ever felt. He should have known Dan would be good at this. The little fucker was good at everything else he tried.

“Like this, Phil?” Dan said, pulling his lips off, looking up at Phil with impossibly wide eyes, pupils blown, lips red and swollen. “Can I try to take the whole thing in, please, Phil? I’ve practiced before and I think I can do it.”

Fuck. Phil imagined Dan sitting down to practice pushing something down his throat so one day he’d be good at it for Phil, just like he practiced guitar for Phil.  

Phil nodded, trying to keep his role as the controller intact even as he knew Dan was really the one with all the power here. Dan lit up and a look of determination crossed his face as he lowered his lips back on Phil’s cock sliding it further and further in, Phil felt it slide down his throat until the boy’s lips were pressed against his hips and balls, and Phil grabbed onto the dresser to keep himself from bucking into the boy’s mouth. “Jesus, fuck,” he moaned, not caring how loud he was. Dan started to gag slightly and Phil moved to pull back out. Dan reached a hand to keep Phil’s hips from moving away.

“Dan, stop,” Phil said, pushing Dan’s hand away and pulling out. Phil breathed heavily, shaking, his knees weak underneath him.

Dan looked up at him, his eyes still watering from trying to deep throat him. “Was it really bad?” he said, his voice rough and wrecked. God, Phil felt like an asshole.

“No, _fuck_ , no,” he assured the boy. “It’s just that—”

“Then, please, may I continue?” Dan asked, eyes dark and pleading, hands still obediently at his side. “Please, daddy?”

Oh _shit._ Phil wasn’t even aware that he had a daddy kink until this moment, but Dan saying that made him lose all coherent thought. Phil couldn’t refuse him anything. He nodded. “Yeah, baby. And you can touch yourself, too,” Phil said.

Dan bit his lip, holding back a smile, and someone who’d just begged to deep throat his cock had no right to look so adorable. “Thank you,” he said before pushing his pajamas down his narrow hips and wrapping a hand around his achingly hard dick. Phil could probably come just from watching the boy stroke himself, watching the way his face tightened and slacken with each pump of his fist. He was close, Phil knew, but then again, so was he. He moved his hand to the back of Dan’s head and it was all the encouragement the boy needed as he wrapped his lips around Phil’s cock again, bobbing his head back and forth in time with his own hand. The kid always did have amazing rhythm, Phil thought.

Dan pulled away suddenly as an orgasm rippled through his body, and it was sort of beautiful to watch, the way his body trembled and shook before he went completely still and came over his hand with a deep moan. It was an image Phil knew would be forever burned on his mind. One that he’d return to night after night if he ever even thought about being with someone other than Dan. He was so fucked.

Phil reached a hand to his own cock. He was so fucking close. “Dan,” he said, not sure what he was asking the boy to do. Dan tilted his head back obediently as Phil stroked his dick, and as soon as the boy opened his mouth expectantly, Phil came undone over the boy, like he was claiming him for his own, and he knew, he fucking  _knew_  that no matter what he did, no matter how far he tried to run or who he tried to get to replace him, he would  _never_  get Dan out of his system.

Phil was breathing heavily. He felt totally and utterly spent. He looked down to see Dan licking at the come on his face, using his fingers to wipe off every bit of it, and Phil was pretty sure he’s keep that image in his mind forever to as the boy licked his fingers clean like Phil had given him a treat.

Jesus, fuck, the things that kid did to him.

Dan stood up, and looking unsure and suddenly very shy. “Would it be ok if I stayed here tonight?” he asked quietly, not meeting eyes with Phil. “I understand if you’re done with me and want me to leave—”

Phil was pretty sure his heart broke at that moment. He reached forward to wrap Dan in a hug. “Of course you can stay,” he said, kissing his forehead.

He led him to the bed, and pulled back the covers for him, Dan slipped under them, looking impossibly small and young as Phil slipped in behind him, feeling the way Dan curled up against him, body perfectly molding into his.

And it was only after Dan’s breathing had slowed and Phil knew that he was asleep that he allowed himself to think about how truly and totally and irrevocably he had just fucked up both their lives.     

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter up soon!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil had always had a weakness for pretty little things: kittens, puppies, koalas, and, most recently, his younger brother’s best friend Dan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Lolita type themes. Underage Dan/College age Phil. Breathplay.

PART 4  
  
Phil woke before Dan, or rather, he’d been awake when Dan’s eyelids fluttered open. He looked sleepily at Phil, who was lying flat on his back, hands behind his head, managing not to touch Dan despite the small bed.

“Good morning,” Dan said in a raspy morning voice. “What time is it?”

“Seven a.m.” Phil replied, trying not to look at Dan stretching next to him, tight stomach muscles expanding and contracting as he let out a sleepy moan. The sheet was wrapped loosely around his waist, and Phil could see the start of morning wood tented underneath the covers.

“It’s so early, Phil,” he whined, moving to wrap an arm around Phil’s middle. Phil scooted away just a fraction, but enough so that Dan noticed the gesture, a look hurt flashing across his face. “Sorry,” he mumbled. Phil felt him grow still next to him, breathing lightly. “Are you—are you mad at me?” he asked so softly that Phil wasn’t sure he’d said anything at all.  

“No, Dan,” Phil turned toward him, watching as Dan wiped at his eyes. He put a hand over the younger boy’s and held it. “Of course, I’m not mad at you. I just—I’m sorry about what happened. It really shouldn’t have, but I was—I wasn’t thinking straight, and I think,” Phil stroked a thumb over Dan’s palm, “I think this should just be our little secret, ok? Just between the two of us.”

Dan nodded slowly. “I can keep a secret,” he said.

“Even from Martyn?”

Dan nodded again and smiled. “He keeps secrets from me all the time because he thinks I can’t handle knowing things about the real world. He’s just trying to protect me like you and your parents do, too.”

Yeah, Phil was doing a fan-fucking-tastic job at protecting Dan right now.

“Does this mean that you still want to hang out with me?” Dan asked in a small voice. Phil heard the real question behind the spoken question. “Do you still want me?”

Phil looked at the boy’s tired eyes, red with the start of tears, staring into Phil’s with a vulnerable sincerity that tore Phil apart. He was nervously biting at his lower lip, and Phil wanted nothing more than to take the boy’s lips in his own, to kiss him until they were both out of breath. But he dropped his hand and moved to sit up in bed, sliding his legs out from under the covers until his bare feet touched the floor. “Yeah,” he said, trying his best to sound dispassionate, uncaring, “I’m sure we’ll hang out sometime when you come over to see Martyn or whatever, but I just think it’d be better for both of us if we didn’t see each other alone, ok, kid?” He didn’t have to look at Dan to know the look of betrayal and hurt that surely crossed his face.

“So that’s it?” Dan said softly. “I just thought that—never mind.” The boy moved to stand up, but stopped, realizing he was still naked. Phil found his pajama pants where he had left them the night before and tossed them to the boy who pulled them on quickly. When he stood, he looked small and young, and it took all of Phil’s sometimes-lacking self-control to keep from wrapping the boy in his arms, telling him that he didn’t mean it, that he wanted him, that he couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. But it was better this way, Phil told himself. He was protecting Dan so that one day he’d meet a boy his own age who didn’t use him the way Phil had, (and who probably didn’t understand him the way Phil did). The thought made him feel slightly sick.

“You should probably go back to Martyn’s room,” Phil said. “My mom will be up to check on you soon, I’m sure.”

Dan nodded, standing to leave, pajama pants slung low on his narrow hips. And Phil realized just how fucked up he actually was when he went from wanting to hug the boy to wanting to fuck him in 0.2 seconds.

“Is this just you trying to be the good guy, Phil?” Dan asked. Phil was silent. “Is this you trying to protect me or something? I’m seventeen. I can make my own decisions about what’s best for me.”

No, you really can’t, Phil thought back to when he was seventeen and all the shit he got into at that age, and how much he wished someone had been there to shake some sense into them. And yet, Dan was a lot different than Phil was at that age: more mature in some ways, but also more naïve about the world than Phil had been. Left alone, Phil was sure people would try to take advantage of the boy. The way _he’d_ taken advantage of Dan.

“No, Dan,” he said, shrugging his shoulders in what he hoped was a convincingly nonchalant manner. “It’s not about me being the good guy. I’m just not interested.” The words rang hollow in Phil’s ears but he hoped Dan wouldn’t be able to tell. Dan froze.

“Oh.” He moved toward the door, and Phil tried not to notice the way his voice cracked, the way his slumped posture and small frame spoke of hurt and the feeling of being rejected. Phil wanted to reach for him, to hold him forever, but he forced himself to stay where he was as he watched the boy quietly leave his room and heard the door to Martyn’s room open and close.

Phil didn’t go back to sleep, but at around nine, he heard his mom come up the stairs and knock on Dan’s door. “Hey, sweetie, how are you feeling?” he heard her ask but couldn’t quite make out Dan’s response.  “Of course we can take you home,” his mom said. “Is Phil still sleeping? Of course he is. That boy. I’ll just drive you home, ok?”

A few minutes later Phil heard two sets of feet head down the stairs and the front door squeaked open. He breathed deeply, but his chest hurt like there was a heavy pressure on it that couldn’t be lifted. Fuck, he knew he’d done the best thing for Dan, but right now it didn’t feel like it. He wanted to run after his mom’s car, like in those romantic comedies, and apologize, telling Dan how wrong he’d been, and then the camera would sweep around them as they kissed in the rain or some shit like that. He hadn’t actually seen very many romantic comedies in his lifetime.

He showered and went downstairs, still in his pajamas. His brother was awake, eating cereal on the couch, watching cartoons. Sometimes Phil forgot that he was just a kid, and even though he was twenty-two, he poured himself a bowl of cereal and joined his brother on the couch. Martyn turned to him.

“The fuck did you say to Dan?” Martyn asked him accusingly.

Phil swallowed the spoonful of cereal he’d just put in his mouth. “What do you mean?”

Martyn stared at him. “Don’t play dumb. I saw the way he left here this morning. You said something or you  _did_  something. Oh, God, please tell me it wasn’t in my bed.”

Phil was silent.

“Oh, Jesus Christ, Phil, it was on my bed, wasn’t it?”

“No!” Phil said quickly. “I swear to God, it’s not that. Fuck, it’s just that I—I told him something that hurt him.”

Martyn snorted. “No shit.” They watched cartoons in silence for several moments before he turned toward Phil, suddenly serious. “You know how he feels about you, Phil, and he’s really vulnerable right now with everything that’s going on with his family.”

Phil sat up straighter, taking a bite of his cereal. “What’s going on with his family?” Phil asked.

“You don’t know?”

Phil shook his head.

“They kicked his older sister out a few months ago--you remember her, right?--because she ‘gave up the faith’ or some shit. Like, they won’t even talk to her anymore. It’s fucked up, you know? And Dan’s taking it pretty hard, and his parents have been even more strict with him because of what happened with her.”

Shit, now Phil really felt like an asshole.

“But for what it’s worth,” Martyn said, taking another bite of cereal, “if you told him what I’m pretty sure you did—about all the reasons why he shouldn’t date your sorry ass, then—I guess, thank you? Because as much as you hurt him now, and as much as that pisses me off, in the long run it’ll be better that way. You are the last thing he needs fucking up his life right now.”

Phil sighed heavily. “Yeah, believe me, I know.”       

It was 10 a.m. when the Smoothie Bar called and told Phil he had the job if he wanted it, and how soon could he start? And as much as Phil didn’t think it was the best idea to work around Dan the whole summer, he really needed the money.

“Yeah,” he said against his better judgment, “I can start whenever.”

“Ok, we’ll put you on the schedule Monday at seven.”

“A.M.?” Phil said, trying to keep the horror from his voice.

“Yep, uniform is jeans and the Smoothie Bar t-shirt which we’ll give you when you get here,” the manager said, and the conversation quickly wrapped up.

And he was grateful when Dan didn’t come over that night, although he wasn’t surprised. And he even went to sleep at a decent hour, knowing the ungodly time he had to be at work the next day. And he was proud of himself for getting up on time and getting to work with five minutes to spare. When he walked into the Smoothie Bar, he saw Dan behind the counter, stacking fruit on the shelves. Fuck.

The manager, a tall, tattooed man in his late twenties, Phil guessed, came from the back room and smiled at Phil. He looked friendly, and his blue eyes lit up when he talked. “Hey!” he said and Dan turned around, a tired, dazed sort of expression on his face. He glared slightly at Phil before turning back to his task. If the manager noticed he didn’t mention anything. “So, I’m Felix,” he said, offering his hand. Phil took it, smiling back at him. “And this is Dan.”

“We know each other,” Dan said snippily.

“Oh, well, good then,” Felix said, laughing nervously, sensing the tension. “Anyway, Dan will be training you this morning. There’s no one better than him, so you’ll learn well.” He handed Phil his shirt and told him he could change in the break room. “I’ll be running some numbers in the back office. If you have any questions, please ask!” And with that he was gone, leaving Dan and Phil alone in silence. Phil moved to the tiny break room, no more than a closet really, and changed into the company t-shirt quickly.

Dan shoved a bag of oranges in his hands when he returned. “Put those up there,” he said.

“Dan, look, I’m sorry about what happened, I just—”

“And then after you’re done with that, I’ll teach you how to work the blenders.”

“Dan,” Phil said firmly, grabbing the boy’s arm. Dan turned to look at him and behind his annoyed exterior, Phil saw hurt in his eyes and that same vulnerability that had come to haunt Phil’s dreams. “I’m sorry.”

The boy was shaking slightly as he lowered his gaze from Phil’s, looking at his shoes, the floor, anything but Phil. “And then after you’ve got the blender down, I’ll show you all the different fruit combinations we use.” Phil tightened his hand on Dan’s arm, knowing that it was close to being painful. He watched as the boy’s eyes fluttered closed and he bit his lower lip. Fuck, was he enjoying this? Was Phil? He tightened his grip even harder, hard enough to leave a bruise, and hated himself for loving the way Dan let out a soft moan. Phil let go like he’d been burned. What the fuck was he thinking? He looked over at Dan who was beet red and breathing heavily.

Phil ran a shaky hand through his hair, looking at the red handprint, slightly visible underneath the short sleeve of Dan’s t-shirt. A sick part of him thought that it felt right, like he was somehow claiming what was his, but he repressed the thought quickly. “Ok, um, let’s get started,” Phil said, voice low and husky, trying to regain his composure with little luck.            

“Yeah,” Dan said, somewhat curtly.

He cleared his throat and began stocking fruit on the top shelf, the one Dan said he couldn’t quite reach. He looked over at the clock. 7:30. Shit. This was going to be a long day.

Once customers began to arrive at 8, things picked up quickly. Phil even felt panicked and rushed as he tried to operate the blenders while Dan rung people at the registers. Even so, Felix had to come and take over the register so that Dan could help Phil, but at least the kid was smiling again, even laughing when Phil had tried to put carrot juice into a banana smoothie. It felt good to be laughing with Dan, almost like old times again.

The rest of the morning passed quickly and when noon arrived, two other employees showed up to replace him and Dan, two stoner-types who smiled at Dan, ruffling his hair and teasing him about an inside joke involving a pear and a blender, and Phil felt unreasonably jealous of them even though he had absolutely no right to be. One of the boys poked Dan in his side, and Dan giggled and hopped away from him, biting his lip playfully. Phil tried to keep the jealous look off his face but clearly failed as Dan made eye contact with him from beside the counter.

He looked surprised for a moment before he smirked, a knowing look in his eyes. He slunk his way behind the taller of the two boys and hopped on his back. The boy let out an “oomph,” laughing, running his hands down Dan’s thighs to hook under his knees. Dan leaned his head against his shoulder and looked directly at Phil as he pecked the boy’s cheek and slid back down, keeping his hands on the boy’s shoulders until his feet hit the ground.

“Gotta go! Bye, guys,” Dan said, adding a “Come on, Phil!” as he pulled Phil by the hand through the front door.

Dan let go and started to walk toward Phil’s car, leaning against the driver’s side door. “No,” Phil said firmly.

“Please, I can drive!” Dan said, sticking out his lower lip in a pout that probably would have caused Phil to cave had it not been for the boy’s purposeful actions to make Phil jealous just moments before. “Please, Phil,” he said in a pleading tone, eyes darting to Phil’s lips the way they had just a few nights before.

Fuck this kid and his fucking mind games. “No, get in the passenger’s seat, ok?” Dan pouted but obeyed. Phil started the car, the cd he’d left in his car ages ago blasting through the tinny car speakers. It was Muse, one of his favorite bands.

Dan drummed his fingers against his leg, the way he did whenever he heard any music. It was mesmerizing, the way he could pick up any rhythm almost instantly, just like he seemed to pick up everything else quickly and easily. Dan didn’t know all the words to the song, but he picked out the chorus, and Phil remembered how well the boy sang. His voice had matured since he was a kid, a natural vibrato rumbling through the words he sang, and Phil wouldn’t have minded hearing him sing more when the song ended and his fingers stilled once again on his leg.

“I’ve been thinking,” Dan said, and he was too still, too unmoving, for this to be a casual statement.

“Oh no, did it hurt? Thinking?” Phil said teasingly.

“Ha ha,” Dan replied humorlessly. “I think that you weren’t telling the truth when you said you weren’t interested—in me.” He was trying for a confident tone, but the words came out tentative and unsure, more a question than a statement.

“What makes you say that?” Phil swallowed.

Dan shrugged. “Just—observations that I made,” he said.

“And what if it wasn’t true? That doesn’t change the fact that I can’t be with you, Dan,” Phil said, the words hanging in the air between them.

Dan was silent a moment. “Can’t?” he asked. “Or don’t want to?”

“Can’t,” Phil said simply, knowing it was enough to give the boy hope. Knowing it was stupid to do so.

Dan reached a hand across the stick shift and placed it on Phil’s thigh, creeping up higher. “I’m really good at keeping secrets, Phil,” he said, reaching to cup Phil through his jeans, but Phil pushed his hand away.

He already knew Dan was good at keeping secrets. He’d been lying to his parents for who knew how many years, and lying to himself for years before that. Phil thought of keeping his relationship with Dan a secret, but he hated the idea. If Dan was his, he would want to show him off to the world. And as sick as it was, the thought of possessing Dan so completely that the whole world had no doubt that he belonged to Phil and Phil alone sent a thrill of excitement through him.

Dan was looking at him with wide eyes, and fuck, he looked so young.

“I can’t—“ Phil began, but Dan shook his head.

“You  _can_ , Phil,” he said, a nasty, bitter tone in the words. “You just won’t because of some misplaced sense of morality or something. I hate to tell you but you passed any sense of morality when I got on my knees for you, when you--”

Phil pulled the car to the side of the empty street and Dan grew silent, waiting for an answer, as Phil gripped the steering wheel hard. “Dan, it’s not that simple. I could go to prison for Christ’s sake, and your parents would kick you out. And you’re just a kid, and I can’t—“

Dan unbuckled his seat belt and opened the passenger door.

“Dan, come on. Where are you going?” Phil called after him. The boy looked over at Phil even as he had one foot outside the door.

“PJ lives a couple blocks down the road, right? I’m going to go see if he’ll fuck me, and then maybe it’ll be ok for us then. Because I won’t be ‘just some kid’ then,” he spat the words out, moving to leave the car. Phil reached for him but he was quick.

“Fuck,” Phil said to himself, putting the car in park and running after the boy. “Dan, come on.” The boy kept walking, quickening his pace so that Phil practically jogged to catch up with him. He turned down an alleyway between an old pizza parlor and a law office.

Phil followed him, grabbing his arm and pushing him against the brick wall. “Get the fuck in the car,” he said, his voice low and serious, and he hadn’t realized how much the thought of someone else fucking Dan would affect him. Fuck, Phil was shaking, and he realized he had his forearm pressed up against Dan’s throat, but he didn’t move it, watching the boy’s face for any sign of fear. There was none, only a sort of nervous anticipation. Dan licked his lips.

“Or what?” he asked defiantly.

Phil pressed down harder.

“You’re not my boyfriend. You have no say in who I fuck or why, do you?”

And Phil knew the boy was goading him, he  _knew_  he was just trying to fuck with his mind, but that didn’t stop his blood from boiling, didn’t stop him from wanting to fuck Dan right then and there against that wall so that he’d forget about PJ, forget about everyone but Phil.

"All you need to do is stop saying you 'can't' because you _can_." He cupped Phil's cheek. "And you want to. I know you do." Phil tightened his hold until Dan dropped his hand sliding it across Phil's chest until he caught his arm, the one that wasn't pinned to his neck. He brought the hand to his own crotch, and Phil felt him fully hard through his jeans. "And you know that I want you. I always have," he said, his dark eyes wide and burning holes into Phil. He moved Phil's hand back and forth against his jeans until Phil began to move it on his own. Dan's eyes closed, his head tilted back so it hit the wall behind them.   
  
"Every time I come, I think of you," Dan said, his breathing coming out forced, raspy. Phil released his neck quickly, realizing that he'd been cutting off the boy's air supply. Dan shook his head and leaned his head further back, exposing more of his neck. Phil began moving his hand faster, leaning forward to nip at Dan's neck, not caring if he left marks, or maybe hoping that he would.   
  
"Tell me," Phil said, his voice unnaturally coarse and demanding.   
  
"Jesus, fuck, I'm gonna--Phil, please."  
  
Phil reached his free hand up to the boy's throat and squeezed tightly, cutting off some of the air supply. Dan bit back a moan and his body shuddered and stilled before Phil let go, feeling the boy's body go limp, leaning against the wall for support.  
  
"I care about you so much, Phil. More than you know.” The amount of sincerity and honesty in the boy's voice nearly pained Phil. He leaned forward, pressing his lips to Dan's.  
  
Dan kissed him back with a desperation and longing matched only by Phil's. Dan pulled away slightly, lips not so much kissing as dragging their way to his ear, nipping at the lobe lightly before whispering to him. "Please don't say you 'can't,' Phil, because  _I_ can't do this without you," he said, a fear lacing his voice. A fear of facing his family, his future, his everything without Phil. "Please." And that one word broke Phil, and he wrapped his arms around Dan, first one around his back, then the other cupping his head so it pressed against Phil's chest. The boy pressed as close to Phil as he could, wrapping his arms around his waist tightly, melting completely into his arms, for once in his life, totally still as if time itself had stopped.  
  
"Ok," was all Phil said.  
  
Phil felt Dan smile against his chest. "You promise?" came the muffled reply.  
  
"Yeah, I promise," Phil said, and no matter what shit-storm came next, he knew he meant it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil had always had a weakness for pretty little things: kittens, puppies, koalas, and, most recently, his younger brother’s best friend Dan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Lolita type themes. Underage Dan/College age Phil.

PART FIVE

Things were going well, surprisingly so, but Phil supposed that was mostly because he’d hardly seen Dan the past few days. Maybe a couple minutes in between shifts at work, since Dan usually worked afternoons and Phil worked mornings. Or a few minutes at home when Dan came over, but he always hung out with Martyn, and Phil’s parents were always there. Martyn always drove him home, too, which pissed Phil off though it had no right to. Dan was Martyn’s friend, not his, he reminded himself bitterly. He was just the older brother the kid was mildly infatuated with. Phil thought about how Dan’s little crush would probably fade soon enough, but the thought tortured Phil at nights as he imagined Dan finding someone else, someone closer to his own age, someone better than Phil.

Phil had never been one for low self-esteem. He’d been fairly popular in high-school, was fairly popular in college, was fairly good looking, but fuck, there was something about Dan that made him feel like he needed to be more for him. Like no matter how hard he tried, he’d never be good enough. He knew he should be glad Dan was keeping his distance these past few days, but all he wanted was to be with him  _all the time_. It was actually rather ridiculous. He was the older one. He should be the one keeping it together.  

But Phil was starting to feel like a frustrated teenager all over again: jacking off in the shower, before he went to sleep, sometimes when he woke up, and sometimes when Dan was downstairs with his brother, he’d imagine the boy slipping into his room, getting down on his knees, looking up at him with wide, begging eyes, and offering to finish Phil off if he’d let him, please. And it was always that image, of Dan kneeling in front of him with those big, brown eyes or laid out squirming and vulnerable on the bed underneath him, that sent Phil over the edge every time.

He wondered how Dan was coping because he felt like he was unraveling more and more every day, and if he couldn’t be with Dan soon, he’d come apart altogether. Why did he affect him that much? This was a new feeling for Phil.

He didn’t like it.

He smelled dinner when he walked through the front door of his house a few nights later. It smelled like spaghetti, his favorite, and he walked in the kitchen with eager anticipation. To his surprise it was Dan who stood in the kitchen, leaning over the stove, looking silly in his mom’s frilly apron tied over tight black jeans and a blue t-shirt.

Feeling bold, Phil tip-toed up behind him and snaked an arm around the boy’s waist. Dan cried out and dropped the dry spaghetti he’d been holding into the boiling water. It splashed over his hand and he held it as it burned the skin on his palm.

“Oh, fuck, I’m sorry Dan, I just—” He was cut short as Dan flipped around, looked at him for a brief moment before surging forward and kissing him suddenly and awkwardly, teeth clacking, lips moving clumsily and desperately over Phil’s. He kept his burned hand between them and lifted the other one up to Phil’s neck to bring him closer. Phil reached his own hands to the boy’s waist and shifted them both so they were further away from the stove. He pushed the thin boy until he was pinned against the counter, and then grabbed his ass (something he’d always wanted to do), hoisting him up so he was sitting on the marble top. Dan let out a little moan as Phil ran his hands up the boy’s thighs to spread them apart, fitting his way between them, leaning up to kiss him—

He stopped, lips just centimeter’s from Dan’s. The boy leaned forward to closed the distance but Phil asked, “Where’s my mom?” suddenly realizing how fucking stupid this was to be doing here and now.

Dan’s lips were so close to Phil’s mouth. He smelled like sugar, and Phil wondered whether his mom had given him candy or if he’d snuck some himself. The boy swallowed and when he spoke, his voice was uneven, strained. “She went to pick up some garlic bread. Probably be back any time now,” he said, sliding off the counter, making sure to let his body down slowly so it dragged against every inch of Phil’s. Phil felt the start of a hard-on in the boy’s pants and he wanted to get down on his knees right there and make him moan his name, watch his face contort into pleasure as he felt Phil’s mouth wrap around him. Fuck, it’d been a really long time since Phil had sucked anyone’s cock, but he knew he wanted Dan’s. He wondered if the kid had ever had a blowjob. He didn’t think so.

Dan looked at his lips, eyes dark, pupils blown like he knew exactly what Phil was thinking about. Phil leaned forward to kiss him deeply one last time before he turned back toward the stove reluctantly, stirring the pasta before it cooked too long. Dan was still leaning against the counter, breathing heavily. Phil stopped stirring for a moment as he watched the boy close his eyes to regain his composure, chest heaving, sweat forming on his forehead. He imagined what it’d be like to bend him over the table and take him from behind. Phil was pretty sure he’d be into it. Dan turned toward him and bit his lip before he ran a hand down Phil’s chest, sliding it lower and lower, looking at him with huge, searching eyes.

The front door opened and Phil heard an, “I’m home.” He jumped away from the boy, who smiled saucily at Phil before bending over the counter slowly, deliberately arching his back to reach for the garlic seasoning in the cupboard above his head.

“You fucking tease,” Phil said, looking over his shoulder before smacking Dan’s ass and turning back to the spaghetti. Dan bit his lip and let out a teasing little moan, adjusting the ridiculous apron so it hid the bulge forming in his pants. Phil hoped his mom would attribute his flushed cheeks to the hot stove and not to any other activities that may have been going on in the kitchen.

“Look at you, being so helpful. Thank you, sweetie,” his mom said, setting the grocery bag on the counter and leaning up to kiss Phil’s cheek.

“Hey, Mrs. L,” Dan said. “I made sure he didn’t let the house burn down.” He gave Phil a wink, and the older boy couldn’t help but smile back.

“You’re such a good boy,” she said, kissing his cheek as well. “Practically a saint.”

Phil snorted at the comment, and Dan shot him a dirty look.      

“Phil, be nice to your brother’s friends,” his mom said.

She’d meant no harm in the comment, but there is was again, the reminder that Dan was Martyn’s friend, and he was better off with someone Martyn’s age. “Maybe my brother’s friends aren’t nice to me, huh?” Phil said, forcing his insecurities down.

The phone rang, and Phil’s mom rolled her eyes at Phil before moving to the dining room to answer it. He felt Dan trail a finger along the back of his neck as he reached around Phil to grab a butter knife. “I can be _very_ nice to you, Phil Lester.” His breath tickled Phil’s neck and made him shiver as the boy moved back to cutting the garlic bread into strips to bake. “You’re the one who’s been ignoring me,” he added with a pout.

Phil sputtered. “I have  _not_. You’ve been hanging out with Martyn a lot and I figured you lost interest or something.” A look of hurt flashed across the boy’s face.

“You know, for someone who already graduated high school and is halfway through college, you can be pretty dumb sometimes,” he said, arranging the bread on the cookie sheet with little huffs. Phil’s mom was writing something on a pad of paper, her back toward them.

Phil leaned over and pecked Dan’s cheek quickly.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m an idiot. Forgive me?”

Dan lit up, and looked like he would jump Phil right there if Phil hadn’t put a warning hand on his shoulder. His face fell slightly before a mischievous glint appeared in his eye as he grabbed the cookie sheet and opened the oven. Phil backed away from the stove to give him access, watching closely as Dan bent over to place it on the middle shelf, backing himself up so his ass was in line with Phil’s crotch. Phil automatically put his hands on the boy’s narrow hips, gripping the skin where his shirt had ridden up his waist, and forcing himself not to buck up against him. Dan, almost innocently, looked over his shoulder at Phil. “Ok, I’ll forgive you, but only if you promise to make it up to me later,” he said.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Phil willed away the images that sprang to his mind. He thought instead about kittens and his grandma and spiders and everything except for Dan pressed up against him, open and ready, sweating and begging for him to fuck him. Dan stood up, and despite how calm and collected he was trying to appear to Phil, he saw the shake in his hands, the sweat starting to drip down his temples, the longing look he gave Phil.

This was going to be a long night.

He wasn’t sure whether it was his unconscious decision or Dan’s but they sat at opposite ends of the dining room table for dinner that night. Phil was pretty sure that even a brush of the boy’s skin against his would set him off right now. Even smelling him might make him lose control: that scent, like candy and rain that was so distinctly Dan. It was wonderful, and he wanted to drink it in, until Dan’s skin was all he tasted. He shifted under the table, pushing a hand stubbornly against his pants, willing himself back under control.   

He noticed that Dan was on edge, too. When his mom asked him how his job was going, he had to ask her to repeat the question twice. And when Phil’s eyes met his across the table, he stopped chewing, like the food was suddenly too heavy for his throat to swallow, and he didn’t look away until Phil did. This was bad, really bad, and Phil didn’t know how much longer he could last like this.

Dan had to leave shortly after dinner since his parents had recently chastised him about getting home too late. Phil tried to hide his disappointment. What the fuck did parents know, right? Even though Phil was pretty sure they made Dan come home early to prevent exactly what people like Phil would do to him given the chance.

He was such a little shit, he thought even as he jerked himself off in the shower, coming over his hand with just a few quick pumps of his hand.           

That night, hours after Phil had fallen asleep, his phone dinged and he groaned as he saw the clock flashing 2:30. Fuck, he had to be up in like four hours for work, but it was from Dan so he grabbed his phone off the nightstand.

“ _Hey_ ,” it said.

Phil sighed and rubbed his eyes, typing back an “ _it’s late kid, what’s up?”_

There was a pause, like Dan was trying to think of what to write back. Then the screen lit up again. “ _I need you._ ”

Phil sat up straighter. His mind was racing. What if something had happened to him? What if his parents had found out about them? What if he was hurt? He forced himself to take a deep breath and typed back a “ _what do you need?_ ”

A moment later, “ _never mind, it’s dumb_ ”

Phil picked up the phone and decided to call the boy. Dan picked up almost right away, but he wasn’t talking. Phil heard him move around before stilling, still not speaking. “Dan, what’s the matter? Did something happen? Are you ok?” The questions tumbled out rapidly, and Phil was surprised how protective he felt of the boy. If anything had happened to him--

He heard the boy breathing heavily on the other end for several moments before he spoke, “Can you just—can you k-keep talking? I just  _need_  you. Please, Phil.” Phil heard the hitch in his voice, the breathlessness behind it, could almost see his eyes screwed shut, lying on his bed, hand down his pants, imagining Phil there guiding his hand, touching him. 

Oh. 

Phil was suddenly fully awake. “Are you touching yourself, Dan?” he asked quietly.

There was a little moan before Dan responded with a soft “mm-hm.”

“Does it feel good?” Phil asked. He’d tried phone sex one time with a girl, but it’d mostly just consisted of both of them panting on the phone until Phil came first and then awkwardly waited until she finished, too. It felt different with Dan. Of course it did. This was Dan. There was nothing usual about him.

“Yeah, Phil, it feels good. I just—” he sounded frustrated. Phil could relate. “I need more. I need something. I need  _you_.”

“Fuck, kid,” Phil said, pushing his own pajama pants down his legs, quickly wrapping a hand around his own cock, half-hard, ready and expectant of something it’d never get—not tonight at least.

“T-tell me what to do, please,” Dan said softly as if afraid to ask.

This was new territory for Phil. Usually it was someone else calling the shots, someone else taking charge and Phil was laid-back enough to just enjoy the ride. But Dan was different. He needed that instruction, he got off on it, on being told what he could do, what he couldn’t do.

“Are you lying on your back?” Phil asked.

“Yes.”

“Good. Do you have lube or something?” Phil asked, fighting past how awkward this could make things.

“Yes.” He heard Dan pop the lid off a bottle. Phil wondered how an innocent little Catholic boy got a bottle of lube but that would be a conversation for another time.

“Now, I want you to rub some onto your hands, especially your fingers, ok?”

“Yes, Phil.” There was a short pause as he followed Phil’s instructions. “What do you want me to do next?”

Fuck, he sounded so willing and obedient, so ready for anything Phil would ask him to do. That really shouldn’t have turned him on as much as it did.

“I want you to slip one finger inside yourself, then two. Go slow, ok? That way it won’t hurt you.”

“Ok, I just—” there was a pause as Dan did as Phil told him. Phil heard him whimper, not in pain, just in response to the new stimulation. “Just give me a quick minute, ok? I’m just really tight, Phil, and it feels--” He let out a muffled moan, like his face buried in his pillow. “I really wish this was you,” he said in a small, pleading voice.

Fucking fuck. Phil had to stop stroking himself to keep from coming right then. He moved the phone away from his ear and took several calming breaths.

“Phil?”

He put the phone back up to his ear. Sweat was pouring down his face like he’d been running a fucking marathon. If this was the kind of reaction he had just over the phone he wondered what actual sex with Dan would feel like. He really shouldn't be wondering things like that. “I’m here, Dan, I just—fuck. Ok,” he said resolutely. “Now, with your other hand I want you to start stroking yourself while you try to add a third finger.” He was asking a lot from Dan, especially since he knew he was a virgin and knew that the angle of his fingers might be awkward.

“I don’t know if I can,” Dan mumbled, almost shyly.

“Do your best, ok? It’ll start feeling good soon, I promise.”

“Ok, I’ll try.”

“You’re such a good boy,” he preened.

It was a moment before Dan gasped and moaned. “I’ve never t-tried this before,” he said, and Phil could hear him stoking himself faster. He followed, wrapping a hand around his own cock. “With three, it’s just so much. It feels weird, but it feels good and—Phil, I think I’m gonna—I mean, is it ok if I—”

Phil himself was close, and he nodded, realizing a second later that the boy couldn’t see him, so he said, “Yeah, fuck, go ahead.”

Dan went silent for a moment before he let out a deep moan that Phil could almost feel running through his own body, and he could almost see the boy's face, the way it looked wrecked and sweaty as he came over himself. Phil wondered if any spunk got on his bare chest or if it all pooled over his hand, dripping down over his fingers and into his stretched asshole. Phil felt his own release ripple through his body and coat his hand as he imagined Dan taking his fingers out of himself, unwrapping his cock, and wiping the come on his sheets. He heard the boy breathing heavily.

“I’m sorry, Phil.” He sounded guilty and afraid of what Phil thought of him.

“No, Dan, fuck, you have nothing to be sorry about, ok?”

“And you have to work in the morning, and I just—”

“Seriously, it’s fine,” Phil assured him. “It’ll just give me something to think about while the day drags on tomorrow.”

Dan was silent for a moment. “Did you—you know—did you come, too?” Phil could almost hear the blush in his voice.

“Fuck, yeah,” Phil said, smiling contentedly.

He actually  _heard_  Dan smiling into the phone. “Did I do ok?” he asked.

“You did so good, baby,” Phil said, reverting to the old term of endearment as he felt himself grow suddenly very tired.

“I wish I was there with you right now,” Dan said softly, so softly Phil wasn’t sure he’d heard him.

“Me too,” Phil said, feeling his eyes grow heavy.

“Good night, Phil.”

“G’night, Dan—” He was asleep in seconds but he dreamed of a soft voice, whispering “I love you, Phil. I always have. Why don't you feel the same?” And in his dream he wanted to respond and say he loved him, too, but the voice was so far away and he couldn’t quite get the words out.

 

_____________________________________________

 

So, work was boing, really boring, and Phil watched the minutes tick by excruciatingly slowly. He’d cleaned the storage room twice, stocked the fruit on the shelves, and still he had half an hour left before Dan came to relieve his shift.

 He was excited to see Dan even if it was just for a few minutes between shifts. The kid had gotten under his skin like nothing ever had: like an itch he couldn’t quite scratch at best, like a deadly drug running though his veins at worst.

Phil knew, he  _knew_ , he shouldn’t be doing this, whatever  _this_ was. He actually wasn’t sure what he considered Dan. A boyfriend seemed too formal, too much of a commitment between a twenty-two year old and an almost eighteen-year-old kid. And a friend with benefits wasn’t even accurate since they’d never even had sex, though fuck knew Phil had thought about it almost constantly the past few days. But they were definitely more than just friends. Phil liked to think they had a deeper connection, but he was pretty sure it was one-sided. Dan had a little crush on Phil. That was it. In a few years, maybe even in a few months, it’d fade away, and he’d find some other boy his age, better looking than Phil, probably better for him in every way.

An unfamiliar car, a sky-blue 1968 Camaro, pulled into the Smoothie Bar parking lot as Phil stared out the window. A tall boy stepped out of the driver’s side, maybe 18 or 19 years old. He had long hair for a boy, like a flower child from the 60’s or Jesus or something. His pants, ridiculously tight around his long thighs, looked like girl’s jeans. But he was beautiful, there was no doubt, and he might have been Phil’s type if the passenger’s side door hadn’t opened to reveal Dan bouncing out of the car like it was Christmas, running over to the taller boy and wrapping his arms around his waist.

Phil stood up straight, unconsciously gripping the edge of the counter. Who the fuck did this kid think he was? The older kid hugged him back fondly, maybe running a hand down Dan’s back a little too fondly. Dan stepped away first. Phil smiled. Good.

But they were still talking animatedly. The older boy pulled a cigarette from his pocket, and how did he even fit a pack of cigarettes in that pocket? Maybe he had a small dick, Phil thought smugly and maybe just a little pettily. He leaned against his car which was oh-so-conveniently parked next to Phil’s piece-of-shit mode of transportation. Dan laughed at something he said, actually laughed full-out, the way he did when Phil told a corny joke. And then he looked down at the ground, biting his lip and smiling in the way that made him look so damn fuckable.

“Jesus, tiger, calm down.” Phil nearly jumped at the voice that came up behind him. It was his manager Louise. “Just let go of the counter, ok? It never did anything to you.”

Phil looked down at his hands which had turned nearly white from gripping the edge so hard. He released it and forced himself not to look back at the window. The taller boy was probably bending Dan over the hood of his car, fucking him right now just daring Phil to give him a reason to stop. 

“That’s Danny,” Louise said, gesturing outside the window. Oh fucking perfect. Dan and Danny. Phil’s face turned into a frown. Louise was reaching for the oranges on the highest shelf. Phil reached up to help her. “Thanks,” she said. “He’s a freshman at the local university.”

Phil shrugged. “Ok, yeah, cool,” he said, trying for a casual tone and grabbing a towel to wipe off the already spotless countertop.

Louise gave him a look. “Listen, Phil, look at me, ok?” Phil turned toward her. “Dan likes you. Like a lot. Danny just lives close to the Howell’s house so he drives him to work sometimes. Not a big deal, ok?”  

“Yeah, like I said, it’s cool. Dan’s free to do what he wants,” Phil said, failing to keep the bitterness out of his tone.

She smiled. “Whatever you say, but just know, he’s not giving up on you,” she said, peeling the orange as she walked into the back room. Phil leaned heavily against the counter, head in his hands. Her words rang in his mind like cymbals.

“Wait, what do you mean  _he’s_  not giving up on  _me_?” Phil said, a delayed reaction since she was already out of hearing range. What did she mean? Phil was pretty sure he was the one pursuing a seventeen-year-old kid, not the other way around. Dan was just a boy who didn’t know what he wanted, whereas Phil was an adult who knew  _exactly_  what he wanted (or who he wanted) even though he knew better. He thought about the way Dan looked at him, like he was his whole world, like he was all he’d ever need in life, like Phil completed him. He wondered if he looked at that other boy the same way.

His eyes darted back to the window. He couldn’t help himself. The older boy, Danny, Phil supposed he should call him, was ruffling Dan’s hair as the younger boy attempted to swat his hand away playfully. Danny just laughed, running his hand more slowly through Dan’s hair to cup behind his neck, and now it wasn’t just a teasing touch anymore. Now it was bordering on a caress, and Phil shifted uncomfortably.

He imagined what they’d look like together, this guy Danny all angles and confidence, Dan all softness and vulnerability. They’d be beautiful together, of that Phil was sure, and he should have been happy that Dan found someone else. And someone like Danny suited him so much better than Phil did. He should feel happy for him. And he might have been able to, except for that unfounded voice in his head that told him Dan was  _his_ , and no one else’s. For fuck’s sake, he had no claim on the kid. Why was he getting so worked up about this? He had never been the jealous type and especially not over someone who wasn’t even his boyfriend.  

Danny said something that made Dan look down shyly and shrug his shoulders before responding. Whatever he’d said made Danny cock an eyebrow at him curiously, and he turned his eyes to look into the window of the Smoothie Bar, before sliding his hand off Dan's neck and stepping back into his car with a knowing smile. Dan smiled back, waving energetically as the blue Camaro roared to life and backed its way out of the parking lot.

Phil straightened behind the counter as Dan bounced through the front door. Spotting Phil instantly, he hopped on top of the counter and swung his feet over the top of it in the most unsanitary way, before sliding off and facing Phil, who looked at him carefully. Dan didn’t hesitate a moment before he leaned up to brush his lips against Phil’s.

“I missed you,” Dan breathed out against Phil’s mouth, moving a hand to snake through his hair. And Phil didn’t miss the way Dan’s full lips trembled just slightly against his as he waited expectantly for Phil to kiss him back. When he didn’t, he felt Dan move even closer to him, so his narrow body pressed against his and his lips hovered mere centimeters from Phil’s. He could almost feel the boy’s furrowed brow, the wide, searching eyes. “Phil, what--”

“Missed you, too, kid,” Phil said, using every bit of his willpower to push him away gently and put on a strictly friends smile.  

Louise came in from the side room and rolled her eyes. “You two are ridiculous,” she said to both of them but looking pointedly at Phil. He gave her a “what’d I do?” look. “Just clock out and go home.” She gestured widely toward the door. Phil nodded, feeling sick to his stomach as he saw Dan standing with his hands stuffed into his pockets, looking every bit like a kicked puppy.

God, he was an asshole. Louise glared at him like she agreed.

He clocked out but didn’t look Dan in the eyes again. He drove home quickly, grunting a “hey” to his brother playing video games on the couch as he rushed upstairs. His mind was whirling. Thoughts of Dan with that other guy were at the forefront, but not far behind them were thoughts of the way he’d looked when Phil refused him. He’d been hurt, but fuck, he’d hurt Phil, too. And God, when had he turned into a vindictive middle-schooler. He should talk to Dan, let him know that it was nothing personal, and he was happy for him and Danny, or whoever he wanted to date.

But fuck, he  _wasn’t_ fucking happy for them.

Had he been thinking about Danny when he’d texted Phil the other night? When he’d touched himself, was it Danny’s lips around his cock he’d wanted? When he fucked himself with his own fingers, was it the tall boy’s fingers he’d imagined?

Phil felt suddenly over-heated, and he took a shower, trying to wash off the scent of the day, the fruit, the juice, the taste of Dan. But Dan was the one thing in his life he couldn’t just wash off.

When he got out of the shower, he lay down on the bed naked and exposed, instinctively grabbing his cock as he often did after a shower. He didn’t even fight the images that popped into his head. Dan apologizing for touching the other guy, asking Phil if there was any way he’d forgive him as he dropped to his knees. Dan wrapping his lips around his cock, slowly sliding it down his throat as he gazed up at Phil with dark eyes. Dan begging for him to fuck him, as he got down on his hands and knees, spreading himself open for Phil—in the same way he’d probably done for that other guy.

“Fuck!” Phil exclaimed loudly, letting go of his cock to run his shaky hands across his now-sweating face and up through his hair. What the fuck was wrong with him? Louise was right, they probably were just neighbors, just friends. But there was that way Danny had looked at him, had touched him—

Phil sat up quickly. He really needed to get away from all this. He pulled on a pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt and went downstairs. His brother was still on the couch, still in his pajamas despite the fact that it was nearly two in the afternoon. Really, had he moved even once all day?

“You smell like Fritos and Axe,” Phil said, scrunching up his nose at the offending teen.    

“Yeah, well you smell like—your mom,” Martyn said halfheartedly, not looking up from his game.

“My mom is your mom, you dumbass. Move over or I’ll to sit on you.” Martyn sighed like he was being greatly inconvenienced, but he paused his game and moved over to give Phil room to sit next to him.

They played for hours, taking turns playing and making fun of the person playing. Phil’s stomach suddenly growled, and he realized he hadn’t eaten all day. He looked at the clock, surprised to see it was after five already. “Hey, where’s Mom and Dad?” Phil asked.

Martyn turned to him like he was an idiot. “They’re going to a nice restaurant and some show with Dad’s boss, won’t be back until late. Mom left money for dinner on the table.”

Phil got up and looked up the number for the local pizza delivery place, ordering two large pizzas because, hey, he was hungry and Martyn could put away pizza like a garbage disposal.

He heard Martyn get up from the couch and turn off the game console. “And Dan’s coming over in a bit, so I’m going to go ahead and head to a buddy’s house for the night. I don’t want to know anything about what happened here while I was gone.” He stepped close to Phil and stuck a finger against his chest. God, Phil really hoped he was planning on showering before he left. “ _Any…thing…_ ” he said, emphasizing each syllable like it was a threat, before heading up the stairs to, indeed, shower.

To be honest, Phil didn’t even know what was going to happen with Dan tonight. And after the pizza came and Martyn left, and Phil heard a knock at the door, he was nervous and excited and absolutely terrified of the intensity of the emotions he felt for the boy standing behind it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love everyone who's reading this. Next chapter up soon!


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